Is it unethical to date multiple people at the same time?

Before We Begin

We cannot overlook the several advantages of dating multiple people as compared to dating just one person at a time.

The biggest one is the availability of so many options. In this article, we will discuss what is right and what is wrong along with how to approach the situation.

Let’s now move on to the critical DOs and DON’Ts to keep in mind.

7. Know that a relationship is not a guarantee

With more than one person interested in you, you might start to think that all this dating is guaranteed to end in a relationship. That it’s just a matter of who you’ll choose to end up in a relationship with.

That is not quite the case, and you should remind yourself that none of the people you’re dating are obliged to enter into a relationship with you. So, it’s quite possible that you won’t end up in a relationship with any of them.

Don’t assume that all these people are crazy about you and are just waiting for a green light from you. They are also considering their options – even if they aren’t dating other people – and they are trying to determine whether you’re the right person for them, whatever it is that they are looking for.

Dating comes with no promises, so don’t come with too many expectations, and don’t make assumptions. Dating two or more people at the same time is likely to give you an ego boost, but remind yourself that these people have other options too.

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Cons of Dating Multiple People

Preventing Yourself From Connecting With Someone on a Deeper Level

If you’re wondering if you should date multiple people at once, it’s important to understand that this dating method may end up preventing you from finding the relationship you’re seeking. If you’re dating various people, this may keep you from opening up and really getting to know someone on a deeper level because you’re not fully giving your all to this person. Specifically, if you’re unable to give your time to a potential partner and don’t put much energy into cultivating a relationship with them, then you may end up sabotaging any future relationship because you’re not establishing the necessary foundation on which your connection can develop.

Loren Soeiro PH.D. ABPP says, “The apps connect their users to an apparently bottomless list of dating possibilities, making it seem as though there is always someone better for you than the person you’re dating, or even just meeting, right now.” Thus, you are less likely to want to truly connect with the person in front of you because you feel like the next best thing is always around the corner. Accordingly, Soerio adds that “With such a preponderance of options, maybe it doesn’t seem worth it to treat any one person as a real priority. A scientist at the Kinsey Institute once even described internet dating as the second most significant event in the evolution of human reproduction in human history.”

Turning off Potential Partners

Importantly, if you’re dating more than one person at a time, you may end up causing a budding relationship to end because the person you’re with may want exclusivity. For instance, if you’re dating multiple people, a person you may really like may choose to cut your relationship short because they want your undivided attention and don’t like that you’re playing the field while the two of you are trying to build a connection. Scott M. Stanley PH.D. explains, “In some couples, one partner is substantially more committed than the other. We call these Asymmetrically Committed Relationships (ACRs). No one who is looking for lasting love wants to find themselves in an ACR, but we suspect it has become increasingly easy to land in one.”

Experiencing Dating Burnout

Rather than being a fun way to meet new people, dating more than one person at a time can start to feel like a chore or even a second job. If you’re trying to meet as many people as you can, this kind of dating overload can actually cause you to want to give up on dating altogether, especially if the people you’re dating don’t turn out to be of interest to you. Dating a large number of people at one time can cause you to believe that dating leads to disappointment because you’re putting a lot of time and effort into meeting someone special and getting nothing in return.

Caitlin Cantor LCSW, CST, CGT says, “If you’re using dating apps in hopes of finding a lasting relationship, the never-ending flow of new matches and the speed at which you can connect with them can be overwhelming. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing dating burnout. When you have dating burnout, you become less emotionally available. You go on countless dates, but you don’t feel much for any of them. You wonder if it’s the people you’re meeting, or if you’re no longer capable of having feelings at all. Your self-worth is shaky, and you feel hopeless, sad, and helpless. Dating feels more like a chore than an exciting opportunity.” Practice being patient to achieve your goal.

10. Don’t feel guilty

Have you lied to anyone? Are you cheating on anyone? If everyone you’re dating is aware of each other and you’re not in a relationship with any one of them, you’re not doing anything wrong. So, there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Why do you feel guilty then?

You might feel like you’re cheating on someone at some point. If you feel that way, you shouldn’t take it for granted. It might be a sign that you’ve developed feelings for the person you feel like you’re cheating on.

Or it might be a sign that you’ve developed feelings for the person you feel like you’re cheating with.

In any case, you shouldn’t ignore your feelings. This might be the right time to decide on who you want to be with.

Whatever you do, make sure that you’re okay with dating multiple people. When it stops feeling natural and fun, it might be best to reconsider doing it.

You might be feeling guilty for no apparent reason because this is simply not for you, so consider whether you really want to date all these people or if you’re going against your own morals.

When Is A Good Time To Become Exclusive?

If you’re ready to settle with one person, it’s no small matter of working out if they want the same thing. But Myhill says conversation is key. “As both partners become more serious about each other, this is typically around the three month mark, the conversation should be had – at that point both partners should agree to the type of relationship they are seeking from each other,” she tells me.

If you’ve dated someone for three months you usually know whether you’re into them, but as Moyle explains, issues can still arise. “There’s a trigger or fear of loss of a relationship which means that a partner will throw themselves into committing to it fully. Some relationships are open to having multiple partners and work well this way, but they work with organisation and rules,” she says.

The reality is, while three months may be long enough to know you like someone, if it takes you a longer or shorter period of time to get there then that’s totally fine. There’s no set-in-stone rules in modern dating.

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Be open to change

You may think you’re only interested in a slutty summer. You may think you only want non-monogamy. You may think a lot of things that end up totally irrelevant when you meet someone who changes it all.

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Don’t block your own blessings just because you have a certain vision about how things should go or what you’re capable of. Check in with yourself after dates, hookups, and conversations to make sure you’re not falling for someone without realizing it. And if you are, go from there—and don’t be afraid to go off-course.

FAQs

Is It Wrong To Date Two Guys At Once? There are two sides to dating two people at once. Most people fancy it because it increases their chances of finding true one love. It is only wrong when the persons involved are not aware that you are seeing someone else. Just as I mentioned earlier, the trick is in being completely honest with them.  Is It OK To Date More Than One Person At The Same Time? If your intentions are aimed towards finding true love, then it is OK to date more than one person. If what you really want is an adventure, then it is not OK to date multiple people because you feel like it. You can hurt someone’s feelings in the process and also ruin your dating life.  How Do You Deal With Dating Multiple Men? This involves you dating more than one person at a time. The risk of you getting busted is quite high despite your reason for engaging in it. This is why I carefully came up with the above-listed tips gotten from personal and proven experiences. Adhere strictly to them as they will help you adequately manage your multiple relationships.  Can A Girl Date More Than One Guy? Yes, a girl has the right to date multiple people. You owe no one an apology for what goes on in your love life. However, try as much as possible to keep whichever guy you are dating in the loop of your dating status. Setting a few boundaries such as a ‘no-sex policy’ can help save you or the other person from hurt.  Is It Cheating If You’re Just Dating? It is not cheating as long as both of you are fully aware that you are not exclusive to each other. It is cheating when you get intimate, have sexual fantasies, or develop romantic feelings for someone else other than your partner. It is also cheating when you date other people besides your partner.  

Learn more about yourself 

Morse learned through her experience being on a Bachelor-like lineup that she wasn’t into any kind of non-monogamy, consensual or not. Mariella Mosthof, a 33-year-old culture writer who’s been dating multiple people off and on over the last decade, learned the exact opposite about herself when she first became part of “a really wonderful, formative triad with an older married couple.”

“I feel like less of a freak when I’m dating polyamorously,” she told Lifehacker. “I’m generally a person who’s very hungry for deep engagement. When I’m monog, I just feel overly sensitive and like I’m ‘too much’ or trying too hard. I tend to focus too obsessively on the one person/relationship, which always kills it. My disposition lends itself better to polyamory, where I can pour a little of that intense energy into each vessel. It’s a mentally healthier balance for me.”

Whether you’re engaged in polyamory or dating around on your own, you’ll learn a lot about everyone you date, but you can also learn plenty about yourself. Use this opportunity to figure out who you are and what you want. You’ll then not only be the best possible partner to your many lucky companions, but to yourself, too.

“Feel your feelings all the way and as shamelessly as you can,” advised Mosthof. “You’re not special and your problems are not unique, which is to say, you’re not alone! Process everything, identify your needs, and try again. Or not!”

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