Content of the material
- 1. Change your bedsheets
- 9. Listen To Their Voice
- 6. Pay Attention To The Little Things
- 4. Let yourself be sad
- Rethink your definition of closure
- Don’t go back to them
- 13. When youre ready, be open to new possibilities
- How Long from Start to Finish Do These Stages Last?
- 3. Dont try to suppress your feelings
- Stage #6: The Void Stage
- How to help a friend who is going through a breakup?
- 1. Encourage them to hang out and keep busy
- 2. Help them out with any chores or tasks around the house
- 3. Get them a gift
- 4. Be prepared for ups and downs
- 5. Check in with them – but take hints from them as well
- 6. If they need professional support, offer to help them find a therapist
- 7. Help them meet new people
- About Me
1. Change your bedsheets
9. Listen To Their Voice
People will reveal a lot about themselves by not only what they say, but how they say it. Some people connect better when you speak loud and fast, while others prefer to be communicated to in a softer tone — know your audience.
6. Pay Attention To The Little Things
Life is hard. And many people are going through life in quiet desperation with little or no support from family or friends. The problem is, people are so good at hiding it, that they give off the impression that everything is good in their life and they don’t need help. Keep in mind that people have lives outside of work, school, and other places you seed them. A simple awareness of others’ body language, behavior, and facial expressions will give you insight into how things are really going for them.
4. Let yourself be sad
Rethink your definition of closure
It isn’t that there’s no such thing as closure. It’s that too many phone calls, DMs, and "one last talk" coffee shop meetups are committed in the name of achieving it, when all you’re actually doing is reopening a wound. True closure only comes with time.
Lester breaks it down like this: "In my experience, there are two scenarios. You either get enough time and emotional distance to be able to look back and appreciate why it didn’t work, or you end up with an ‘eclipse effect.’ That’s when you meet someone else so amazing that they completely eclipse all your previous thoughts of your ex."
Don’t go back to them
Let’s be real–redinkling a former flame can be tempting at times, even to the best of us. In feelings of weakness or a period of loneliness, one might find the idea of reconnecting with an ex more appealing than they should. Lewandoski Jr illustrates how exes can be associated with a certain familiarity and convenience, which is why many people revert to going back to them. More specifically, “those who need more reassurance and love in their relationships due to insecure attachment are more interested in getting back together with an ex”.
Instead of indulging though, take charge of your healing journey and avoid prolonging it by calling up an old flame. Chances are, you’ll re-encounter the issues that drove you apart in the first place or erase all of your efforts to move on, especially if not enough time has passed. It’s best to focus on yourself and redirect that energy to better things…or potential new hobbies.
13. When youre ready, be open to new possibilities
Breakups can be traumatic. And once you’ve moved on, you might feel like you don’t want to deal with relationships again.
But heartbreak is a part of life. And sure, it hurts like hell. But try to remember how it feels to be in love. There is nothing quite like being loved by someone who chooses to love you.
So as much as it scares you, try to be open to new possibilities. Give love another chance.
Besides, science says that the key to happiness is having new experiences.
According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, people who invest in new experiences are more appreciative of the world, ultimately becoming more happier with their life.
Don’t stop yourself from gaining new experiences in love just because of the past.
You’ve learned valuable lessons from your past relationships that will help you navigate your future ones better. Don’t close your heart off to the possibility of love again.
How Long from Start to Finish Do These Stages Last?
Recent research has indicated that it takes an average person who’s going through a breakup (not a divorce) anywhere between three to six months before they get over it.
If we go by this timeline, we can estimate how long these stages will last.
On the low end, you can expect three months before your ex goes through all of these stages, and on the high end, it can take a 6-month detour.
The important thing to remember here is that this range is an average.
There are some cases where it can happen a lot faster or a lot slower.
Some exes skip stages entirely or jump back and forth between stages, so you need to understand that each person has a unique situation!
3. Dont try to suppress your feelings
Don’t pretend that everything is okay when it’s not.
It’s clearly not okay.
I know what it’s like to have nothing left but your ego. You don’t want to look like the injured party.
It’s difficult for anyone to admit that they’re vulnerable. Our society has programmed us to be ashamed of our “negative emotions”—pain, anger, heartbreak.
But right now, it’s best to let all your emotions out. It’s okay to feel sad.
In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, scientists found that it’s essential to face your feelings head-on.
The study’s lead author, Sandra Langeslag, director of the Neurocognition of Emotion and Motivation Lab at the University of Missouri St. Louis, says: “Distraction is a form of avoidance, which has been shown to reduce the recovery from a breakup.”
You don’t have to show the world how hurt you are but don’t try to hide it through a bunch of bad decisions you may regret later.
Stage #6: The Void Stage
This stage creeps in either with the new person or the depression of not finding someone new.
If your ex moved on to someone new, this stage happens when their initial honeymoon period is wearing off, and they have their first argument.
That’s when the cracks start to form, and they’ll realize this isn’t what they signed up for. Once they have this realization, they enter into a state of depression, realizing that they were just trying to distract themselves from the pain of losing you.
If your ex chose to focus on work to distract themselves, they would still enter this void stage because they won’t stop thinking about you. This realization will ultimately lead them to the next stage.
How to help a friend who is going through a breakup?
Breakups aren’t easy and the most important thing that you can do as a friend is showing your support. Sharing encouraging words that help lift them out of the dumps is a great way to console them after they’ve had their heart crushed.
While figuring out what to say to someone after a breakup is important, there are also some other great ways to help your friend post-breakup. There’s nothing that can be compared to having your presence around to provide comfort and reassurance.
If you’ve been looking for some practical ways to help your friend out as they navigate through the hurt, here are some awesome tips.
1. Encourage them to hang out and keep busy
It can be tempting to exile yourself after parting ways with your former partner. However, experts agree that spending too much time alone will actually hinder the healing process.
Every break up is different, so make sure that your friend knows that there’s always an open invitation for them to join in on activities or events. Have they always wanted to take up pottery or take hip-hop dance classes?
Bring up some fun activities that you can do together to help get them out of the house so that they can begin feeling more empowered. As always, there’s a fine line between encouraging someone to hang out and pressuring them to, so be sure to always respect their wishes.
2. Help them out with any chores or tasks around the house
Carrying the weight of a breakup can be heavy and overwhelming. The emotional burden alone can make even the simplest of tasks difficult.
If you’re comfortable with it, let your friend know that you’d be happy to go the extra mile for them if they’re having a hard time doing so for themselves. Offering to tidy up their space, doing the laundry, or even running a few errands throughout the week can really help take some of the weight off their shoulders.
Without having to worry about their everyday tasks, your friend can better devote time to healing and mending their broken heart.
3. Get them a gift
A breakup gift is a perfect gesture to help get your friend’s mind off their ex. Never underestimate the power of a thoughtful gift that makes them feel special.
You can choose to either get them something that you know they’ve been eyeing or invest in a wellness gift that you know will make them feel cozy. Some great options include a gratitude journal to help motivate them to see the brighter side of things or a soy candle in a scent you know they’ll love.
Splitting up with someone is rough – that’s why a cheerful gift will make them feel a bit better!
4. Be prepared for ups and downs
One day they’re doing great and the next day they’re in tears on the kitchen floor. What gives? Processing the end of a relationship is equivalent to the grief associated with someone passing.
Grief can be unpredictable and that’s why some days they seem great while on other days they seem to be breaking down again. As a friend, the best thing that you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when they start to unravel again. Give them a big hug and let them know that they’re safe with you around.
5. Check in with them – but take hints from them as well
Having a supportive friend group is key to making it through the ending of a relationship. Your friend will appreciate you taking the time out to check in with them and seeing if they’re doing well.
Reassuring them that you’re going to be there with them through all of this will help them feel safe and supported. However, if you’re worried about overdoing it pay attention to their responses to you or ask them directly if they’d like some more personal space.
6. If they need professional support, offer to help them find a therapist
Recovery from a breakup differs from person to person with the average spanning around three months. With this timeline in mind, if your friend’s healing process looks a bit different that’s okay too.
However, if they happen to mention that they’re finding it difficult to move on and are considering seeking professional help, offering to help them find a therapist can be a lovely gesture. Looking for a therapist can be incredibly draining if you’re still dealing with some pretty intense feelings after parting ways with their ex.
A therapist can provide them with a safe and neutral space where they can begin to unpack everything that they’re struggling with.
7. Help them meet new people
This is one of the most fun stages after a breakup. After all of the pain and healing your friend finally hints that she’s ready to meet someone new. Grab your best outfit and make plans to explore the city. Even meeting new friends is an awesome step for them to take.
Meeting new people exposes you to new experiences and there’s nothing better than growing as a person after a heartbreak.
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- Website: Thenarcissisticlife.com
- Written by Alexander Burgemeester
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- Company: AMB Media registered in The Netherlands
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