What would be an easy way to lose your virginity?

1. Losing your virginity isn’t just P in the V

View this photo on Instagram instagram.com “Theres no universal consensus on what behaviors constitute having sex,” relationship and sex expert Kristen Mark, Ph.D., tells BuzzFeed Life. Not to mention, the notion of “‘virginity’ is very heterocentric. It really excludes a large number of people who may consider themselves as having lost their virginity, but that definition is going to be very different for them.” So losing your v card might involve penetration, or it might involve anal sex, oral sex, manual stimulation, dildos, whatever. There’s no rule that your first time has to meet a specific set of criteria.

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Tips And Techniques for Losing Your Virginity:

1. Know your body

Masturbating before having intercourse for the first time is highly recommended.

This way you have a bit of an understanding of what works and doesn’t work for your body and you can communicate this to your partner. This can also help you figure out if you are ready to have sex.

2. Communicate with your partner

Thea says, “First, if you can’t talk about sex with the person you are attracted to then you shouldn’t be having it. Your ability to communicate openly about your sexual needs is really important as you become a sexually active person.”

If you’re feeling nervous, tell them. Tell them if you’re scared it will hurt. This way you can both adjust and find a solution to help you feel comfortable.

Together, you can take precautions to ensure that you’re both as physically and emotionally comfortable as possible. Also, communicate during the act. If you need him to go slower, tell him. Speak up when it hurts or something feels wrong.

Lots of eye contact can help with open communication.

3. Have realistic expectations

If it’s your first time (and you’re a female) you probably won’t orgasm. This is just because for women to reach that climax point it takes much more than it does for guys. In fact, research suggests that 11 to 41 percent of people with a vagina have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner.

So have a realistic expectation of what losing your virginity will be like. It will probably be awkward instead of this perfect, magical, and romantic night. 

It can still be a great time, it can feel like love. Just a little awkward and you might end up laughing. Just be ready for your first time to not be what the movies make it out to be.

RELATED: How I Became A Divorced Virgin

3. Along those lines, a “hymen check” is really no way to determine virginity

Netflix / Via youtube.com Again, different people have different amounts of hymenal tissue, and some are thinner, worn away, or filled with fewer blood vessels than others. Plus, that tissue can tear from a variety of things, like physical activity, masturbation, fingering, etc., says Herbenick. So to use this as a marker of whether or not you’ve had sex just…doesn’t make sense.

Life really gets in the way of you losing your virginity…

  • I just need to finish my degree and then I’ll worry about dating girls.
  • I just need to move out to my own place and then I’ll actually have a place to have sex.
  • I just need to get a job so I can afford to date. Vodka cranberry cocktails aren’t cheap!
  • I just need to get a car. Who wants to date somebody who takes public transit?
  • I need to get better friends. My friends don’t really make me look great.
  • I need to resolve my health problems first. Who would want to sleep with a chubby guy like me!
  • I need to advance in my career. Once I’m really successful women will just be naturally attracted to me.
  • I need to get my startup business profitable first. “…you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women!” to quote the esteemed relationship expert Tony Montana
  • I need to fix my dick issues. It’s not big enough, it’s too big. I’m a premature ejaculator. She’ll just make fun of me when I finally drop my pants.
  • I need to finish resolving my childhood issues with my psychologist. My shrink says I’m not ready to date…
He lost his virginity. So can you!

You stay so damn busy with life that you ignore this virginity issue and before you know it you’re the 40-year-old virgin (or the 50-year-old virgin!) Please, for your own good, take some time to deeply contemplate a life of solitude. You might be a younger guy and think Hey single life isn’t that bad. I have my buddies. I have my video games. I have my sports and hobbies. I’m happy. But you’re going to be alive for 70, 80, or 90 years. That’s a long time to be alone. That void of loneliness in you can be filled with all these amusing, entertaining things and products but that void will grow into a black hole that sucks you into a dark, nihilistic, cynical, self-loathing place where you’re utterly stuck. That now easy to ignore shame of virginity will grow into deep soul-sucking regret and bitterness.

Eventually, your buddies will have their own families, they won’t be all that interested in hanging out with you. In your twenties, it seems like you have too many friends, and it’s all too easy to meet new people. As the years pass you’ll notice that you’re less and less motivated to go out and make new friends. The number of people that you can call to hang out with on a Friday night will dwindle. Think of some creepy old dude that you once met at a party that was in an awkward way trying to make friends but really didn’t belong there. That’s going to be you!

Pop psychology and self-help trick us with these popular ideas of radical self-acceptance and non-judging to not look soberly at the reality of our situation. Your biological and social purpose is to reproduce, remaining a virgin long past adolescence is an objective failure. It’s not something to self accept and not judge.

If you are going to procrastinate endlessly, wait until your situation improves before you really start worrying about losing your virginity why not just kill yourself? Life is full of suffering, pain, and discomfort. You’re always going to be suffering from something and uncomfortable for one reason or another. Do you really want to live through another 50 or 60 years comforted only by your video games, porn, and sports? If these pixel-powered pleasure spikes are the best it’s going to get for you, why not just opt out of all those coming decades mostly filled with suffering, boredom, pain, disappointment, and mundanity? I’m not actually advocating suicide; suicide is a deeply selfish way of solving your problems that hurts, traumatized, and scars those who care the very most for you.

Life is pain but the warm, wet embrace of a woman, her companionship through the ups and downs of life, and the life that you create together make it well worth it!

The longer you wait the harder it gets… to lose yo
The longer you wait the harder it gets… to lose your virginity! Stop procrastinating.

The further away from your early twenties that you get the harder this gets. Your energy levels and motivation gradually decline. Your zest for the pursuit wanes. As the years advance complacency, comfort, and self-pity are increasingly enticing seductresses that will trap you in a prison of mediocrity. If you’re in your 30’s, 40’s or beyond, take a long look in the mirror and realize that you screwed up majorly in this department, and understand that you’re going to have to work doubly hard on this. Now is the time for action and transformation!

The second crucial mindset component is understanding that losing your virginity meaningfully is going to take time and effort. You’re probably going to need to devote 20–25 hours a week for the next 3, 6, or 12 months to this project of losing your virginity. It’s going to be like a part-time job, but it will be the most viscerally fulfilling, rewarding, challenging, and exciting part-time job you’ve ever had. If you’re still a virgin well into your adulthood you need to fix some things about yourself which are going to take time.

But you’re not going to be spending all those hours chasing women, most of that time is going to be devoted to personal development. Remember what Abraham Lincoln said about cutting down a tree…

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

How Do You Prevent Pregnancy?

When used effectively, condoms can be super helpful in preventing pregnancy, but many people don’t use them correctly. That’s why Dr. Jaque suggests talking with your doctor about additional birth control options. There are many different kinds, from the Pill, to the NuvaRing, to an IUD. Your doctor will help you choose the right one for you based on your medical history, the kinds of periods you have (for example, certain birth control methods can help make them less painful or heavy), and your life (if your schedule makes it hard to take a pill at the same time every day, that's probably not your best option).

You can also talk to your physician about what happens when you have sex for the first time, whether it’s right for you right now, and any other questions you have about sex that you may be too embarrassed to talk about with a family member. Topics could include practicing safe sex; signs, symptoms and prevention of STIs; contraception; and what to expect in terms of whether losing your virginity is painful.

1. What Does Losing Your Virginity Mean?

The concept of losing your virginity is not as simple as many people make it out to be. Traditionally, losing your virginity has meant engaging in penetrative sexual intercourse, whether penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus.

However, not everyone sees it as that. Some would argue that receiving (or giving) oral sex would count; between a straight couple, some would argue that anal sex doesn’t even count. Then there’s the questions of how long it lasts, whether anyone enjoys themselves (or climaxes), and whether it was consensual for both parties.

“I can’t say what counts for everyone,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast. “Many of the young straight, cis guys I work with often consider themselves virgins until they put their penis in a vagina. But there is great variation and it seems young folks are more open to seeing sex as an experience that can involve a range of acts — not simply a singular one.”

According to Kayla Lords, writer and sexpert for JackandJillAdult.com, widening “our definition of sex to include anything that offers sexual pleasure” means the loss of virginity would be less clear cut, dependent more on the person’s mindset than the act itself.

“Oral sex is sex (no matter what you may have heard),” she says. “Fingering a partner is sex. So are hand jobs. Mutual masturbation (masturbating together or masturbating each other) can be considered sex. Once you realize how big of an idea sex is, whether you’re a virgin or not becomes harder to define. You could easily say that the first time you masturbated (sex with yourself), you were no longer a virgin — and that would be correct for you. Why? Because virginity isn’t a thing you have or lose… it’s a cultural idea, and it can mean anything you want it to mean.”

That means the old idea of the sexual “bases” where first base, second base and third base are understood to be increasing levels of sexual intimacy (often defined as French kissing, manual stimulation and oral sex before arriving at penetration) is outmoded, and possibly harmful, too.

“The idea of bases and getting to them is extremely limiting,” says Lords. “Is there really an ‘order’ to becoming sexually active with a partner? Does touching a partner’s nipples before you touch their clit really mean you’ve advanced a level? I don’t think so. Becoming sexually active and intimate with your partner isn’t a game to play in the sense that you can get so far but say you haven’t ‘done anything.’ If you’re providing or feeling sexual pleasure, then it doesn’t matter what ‘base’ you’re on.”

The Kiss

The one thing most people mess up during their first time is foreplay. This is essential for good sex. It is not only fun but also allows the girl to get some extra moisture which will make sex way easier and more comfortable. Make sure to kiss your partner a little bit extra on the night you plan to have sex for the first time.

The First Time

Some people imagine the first time they are penetrated by a guy to be a big shocking moment. In the movies, the women have huge reactions and make silly faces. In real life, depending on the size of the guy it might be an underwhelming experience. It might even be a bit painful.

The 40 Year Old Virgin

Hollywood immortalized the idea of modern male vir

Hollywood immortalized the idea of modern male virgin in the movie, “The 40 Year Old Virgin.” It was a humorous take on a very serious problem that many guys are suffering today.

Yet, why are so many guys suffering from this problem? Watch the video below to find out…

As you will discover from the video above, the rise in adult male virginity is not women’s fault or the fault of the media. It comes down to one very simple thing that I explain in the video.

Will I Have an Orgasm the First Time?

Again, that’s different for everyone, but rest assured you’re totally not alone if you don’t experience a first-time orgasm. In fact, most people don’t, simply thanks to all those nerves and anxiety you’ve probably built up about your first time.

Is it Different For Women?

Most modern women usually lose their virginity at a young legal age and then have sex with many guys before settling down.

However, if a woman openly decides to be a virgin until her wedding night, then most people don’t try to interfere or pick on her decision. Our society doesn’t put too much pressure on a woman to have sex.

Yet, for guys it’s different.

They have a small window of opportunity to lose their virginity and every year after that more and more pressure is added.

If people find out that a guy is still at virgin, at 25 for example, he will become the butt of office jokes and people will assume there is something wrong with him.

For the virgin male, he then has to deal with the anxiety and fear about being ridiculed by others behind his back or in person, whenever the subject of sex comes up.

3. How Important Is Losing Your Virginity?

“Lost my virginity at 26 to a friends-with-benefits situation. Low-key, no drama, 10/10 would recommend.” – Robin, 31

With all the stress many guys feel about losing their virginity, it can be hard to know just how important it is to do the deed.

If you’re still a virgin in your late teens, every waking moment might be filled with anxiety as you try to figure out how to swipe your V-card as soon as possible. On the flip side, you might be a 50-something-year-old virgin, content to die of old age never having had sex. How badly you want to lose it is a personal thing, but in purely objective terms, it’s kind of a made-up concept. Basically, you shouldn’t care about it too much.

“Virginity is a social construct that people decided was important hundreds of years ago. So whether it’s important to lose your virginity or not is actually up to you,” says Lords. “There’s nothing to ‘lose’ when you say ‘losing your virginity.’ There is only experiencing sex or not experiencing sex.”

Here’s one thing worth remembering: If you’ve been feeling pressured by your peers to lose it, that’s often based on outdated ideas of masculinity that you shouldn’t feel the need to bend to.

“Traditionally, […] virginity has been seen in the media and in life practices as something girls should wait to lose, and young guys should lose it as soon as possible,” says Mackenzie Riel of adult novelty and romance retailer TooTimid.com. “[But] it should be a personal decision whether or not a person wants to lose it. There is so much pressure that comes from society to one way or another, your situation will never be exactly like somebody else’s, anyway.”

Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness, also points out that the whole concept of virginity should be held in your hands, exclusively.

“The importance of ‘virginity’ is healthiest when best controlled by its holder,” he says.“Each person must decide how important virginity, and therefore sex, is to their lives. Taking in and exploring all of our messages from religion, family, school, etc. and asking ourselves tough questions about sex and desire is the healthiest thing we can do. And if you feel stuck, you can always consult with a therapist who works closely on sex- or sexuality-related issues for non-judgmental exploration of all these things.”

O’Reilly agrees that virginity (and the concept of purity associated with it) can be really confusing and a very narrow way of looking at a person.

“Virginity is a social construct,” she notes. “There was a time when we believed that being a virgin referred to not having put a penis inside of the vagina (which would suggest that tampons, fingers, sex toys, tongues, etc. wouldn’t qualify), but not everyone plans on putting a penis inside of a vagina, and even those who have done so (or plan to do so one day) classify other sexual activities as sex. If you’re a lesbian who has been having sex with your partner for 10 years, are you still a virgin?”

At the end of the day, losing your virginity really means having sex for the first time — and what that means, exactly, depends on what you’re into, whether that’s penetrating someone or being penetrated or both; whether it’s oral, or anal, or vaginal sex, or even something else.

Put on protection

Before you engage in sexual intercourse make sure that you have put on some protection. Then, slowly start inserting your penis into your partner’s vagina to penetrate her. Be attentive to her cues and her remarks. It is also a big deal for her and she will be the same if not more nervous. Once both of you are comfortable, try rocking gently back and forward until you find a comfortable rhythm.

Create a plan

There are many things that you need to remember for the big day and unless you write them down, you will forget. Most people want to make this moment very romantic and unique so maybe you will need to find a place and time that you both like. Also, you may want to decorate the venue and purchase all your supplies including condoms and lubricant.

You might be thinking…

I can totally see how these motivational factors were missing in my past attempts to lose my virginity. So I’ll have my best friend, wingman, roommate or family member be my accountability partner, maybe I’ll even make a bet with them that I need to lose my virginity or else I need to pay them some amount of money so I get sunk cost working for me…

Well, that might work. But, it’s generally a pretty bad idea to have your friends or family as your accountability partner for a few reasons…

  • If they care about you they will usually enthusiastically agree at first. But often they quickly lose interest. Your loved ones want the best for you but they have their own lives and responsibilities. Also, this coaching is work, it is a service. If you’re not paying them for their time and attention how can you expect them to be committed?
  • Accountability entails real pressure. It’s not always pleasant and it certainly introduces a degree of friction. It’s not really fair to assail the tranquility of your most important relationships with this sometimes confrontational requirement of accountability.
  • Meaningfully overcoming your virginity is going to require some very red pill mindsets and yielding some social dynamics lifehacks from the fringes of polite society. Your friends and family may really frown upon what’s actually going to work to get you beyond this. Along with accountability, they’ll give you crappy, mainstream socially conditioned advice — just be yourself, just be confident, don’t try so hard, follow your heart, be a gentleman and you’ll naturally lose your virginity — that won’t really help you.
  • Finally, there’s this very well studied psychological phenomenon that if you talk about your goals to your friends and family it demotivates you from actually accomplishing them. The emotional pleasure of telling other people about your goal is so intoxicating that it demotivates you. Do you actually want to lose your virginity or do you just want to talk about it?

If you’re serious about this, hire a professional coach to keep you accountable. Your friends and family will respect you a lot more if they see you independently taking action and changing your life.

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